i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
His nipple licking is glorious
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