We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize