Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
