Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
