i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The best revenge is premature balding
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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