i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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