I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
