Who wears a wallet chain?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
