I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
