it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
