Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize