before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
