I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
