cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
