is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
