he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
