Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
