Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
