Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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