I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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