seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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