If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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