Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize