so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
