the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
