Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
