Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
