I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
