Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
