Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
