morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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