How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
