Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
