That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
