You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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