what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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