Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
