I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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