so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
