no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
