Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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