everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize