I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize