wanna go halves on a baby?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
