Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize