Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
