Just mADE A PArabola og urine
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are my feet made of real feet?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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