Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
