If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
