There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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