wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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