im holly from the hills drunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
