Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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