Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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