I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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