Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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