You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
