i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize