My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize