im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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