Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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