She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
