My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
