So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I love having hate sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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