I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize