We're facebook friends in real life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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