some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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