I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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