I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
