If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
