I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
