question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
