We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
