we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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