Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
