This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize