i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
