I like to think it a success when the cops are called
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
