Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
