How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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