he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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