some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He shit in the fireplace
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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