call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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