I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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