I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
