Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
