I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
