OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
