She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
