I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
