is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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