So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
