Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
