So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
