He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
