I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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