No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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