I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
