don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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