In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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