I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize