After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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