apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
