Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
